It’s been said that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. With the emergence of The Internet, we now know that’s a monkey’s tale - for a million monkeys can produce nothing more than a million banana peel-lined ape-shit chat rooms. But it IS possible for only TWO monkeys to create a cable access program…a cable access program like… ATOMIC TV!!!

Yes, ATOMIC TV is the most recent addition to Baltimore Cable Access Corporation’s programming family, a breech baby painfully squeezed out of the birthing canal of that negligent mother we call City Cable. Cloven-hoofed and horn-rimmed, this Hell-spawned birth defect had its butt cheeks dutifully slapped by the attending programming authorities before the bloody mess was handed back to its deadbeat biological fathers,

TOM WARNER & SCOTT HUFFINES,

its dangling umbilical cord quickly hooked up to coaxial cable for instant reception into the cable community.

ATOMIC TV will offer a decidedly adult mixed bag of sleaze, mayhem, rock ‘n’ roll, violence, freaks, humor and entertainment, mixing poorly conceived and ineptly shot shaky-cam live features with rare found film footage of such topics as civil defense, sex hygiene, post-War nuclear paranoia, 50s and 60s retro commercials (for products you don’t need and can’t have now anyway!), eye-popping 60s go-go chicks shaking their shag-a-delic money-makers with uninhibited pre-AIDS abandon for the Austin Powers that be, 70s chop-socky kung-fu phooey, and educational scare films covering everything from poor posture (you’ll end up in a brace, ya spineless slackers!) to the red asphalt and charred flesh that results from poor highway driving (speed kills, joyriders!). All presented with the 10th-generation, guerilla TV production values of the likes previously seen only in VIDEODROME, terrorist hostage tapes, snuff films, amateur sex vids and animal pornography!

Regular segments include…STUN GUN FUN…LET’S BE SAFE (guide to safe sex)…SKIZZ & HIS MANSION THEATER independent film & video shorts… DATING DO’s & DON’TS… FRENCH ROCK ‘N’ ROCK SCOPITONE JUKE-BOX VIDEOS…IT’S INTERMISSION TIME TRAILERS AND CARTOONS…

Plus you’ll see feature segments profiling Jim Rose and his Sideshow Freaks Circus…get behind the masks of masked wrestler musicians Los Straitjackets…smack your lips tasting food with the delicious aural dish known collectively as Cibo Matto…cut the cake with the cutey-pie punk of Shonen Knife…quiver with the ambient rush of the ultra-refined Sugar Plant…drop your jaw and bug out your peepers to James Taylor & his Shocked and Amazed human and animal curioddities…gawk and cringe at the spectacle of inarticulate Howard Stern lookalikes…spend a day with Underdog Lady and watch her march through Hampden during the Mayor’s Christmas Parade…see William Shatner and Telly Savalas singing…Germans dancing idiotically…Monsters…Geeks…Freaks…and more!

So join Tom and Scott and their extended Nuclear Family - field reporters Big Dave Cawley (self-styled King of Men), Rock Star Todd Stachowski (self-abusive King of Excess), everyone’s favorite hon Stella Gambino, Goth Glamorpuss Alice Hand and Hair-Stylist Apparent to the Stars Marie-Paule (Fifi the French Girl) - as they bring you the sights and sounds previously swept under the rug in the cubby-hole of the Outer Limits of the Lunatic Fringe atop the Surrey of High Weirdness we call…ATOMIC TV

For details concerning upcoming ATOMIC TV book deals, movies, TV pilots, speaking engagements, clothing lines, action figures and/or life-like fully functional love dolls modeled after your hosts, contact us.