Atomic TV

Attention all you wood-be Svengali’s and estrus-oozing Mati Hari’s. We collected the best pickup lines overheard at the Cross Street Meet Market during the ’97 Cross Street Festival and tempered them with the timeless advice of vintage 50s how-to mating and dating films like Dating Do’s and Don’ts, Junior Prom and Going Steady all as a public cervix to Baltimore singles. We even got the Martha Stewart of Dating Etiquette, legendary local bachelorette Chastity Darling (You’ve no doubt witnessed her shameless flirting at her habitual weekend roost ,The Club Charles), to host our special. From “Do you have mirrors in your pockets, ’cause I can see myself in your pants?” to “Didn’t we meet before, at the methadone clinic?” we’ve got the best and worst pickup lines for you to gag on or put to use (or abuse).

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Hosted by Nashville’s rockin’ combo Los Straitjackets… Masked Mexican Wrestlers!… The real international man of mystery, El Santo!… Mexican monster movies… Mondo films… People eating Parasites – and The Dead!… Spanish Superhero El Barrio vs. Tony the Landlord in the squared circle… Meet a Roman Catholic Masked Wrestler Priest!… plus an assortment of vintage Atomic Scare Films and Civil Defense Messages and old Natty Boh commercials.

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If you have a heart condition or are easily offended, don’t watch this episode that’s hosted by Todd Stachowski, Rock Star and his lovely lady Gina and broadcast live from the Men’s Room at a Heavy metal bar in East Baltimore… Enjoy our best (and longest) film short “Making Art with Tape” by local filmmaker Lee Boot… See highlights from the blaxploitation film career of The Man Called Dolemite, Rudy Ray Moore… Musical appearances by the thought-provoking (well… at least provoking) Rock Stars, Baltimore’s lamented late-great purveyors of punk-pop, Berserk, and reigning bargain-bin masters of melodious musical moxie, Garage Sale.

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Be shocked and amazed by our tribute to human curi-oddities on and off the Midway… witness Stupid Human Tricks by local weirdos like Nostrildomus the Human Slot Machine who stuffs 10 quarters up his nose and (cringe!) see the sparks fly when Penile Knievel shoots firecrackers out of his urethra on a drunken cook-out dare…Look back on vintage Ripley’s Believe It or Not trailers… drop your jaw in astonishment watching Todd Browning’s cult classic Freaks… see Baltimore’s own halfboy Johnny Eck… Hear siamese-twin singing sensations the Hilton Sisters… Animal Freaks… See an Armless trombone player… Legless dancer Peg-Leg Bates… Handicapped Cowboys… Midget Cowboys… Sift through the treasure trove of oddness collected by Baltimore sideshow expert James Taylor (publisher of the Shocked and Amazed peri-odd-ical)…

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We interviewed Jim Rose (Lollapalooza, X-Files) and filmed highlights from his latest traveling sideshow of freaks (Mexican Tranvestite Wrestlers, Sumo Wrasslin’ She-Babes, The Human Enigma, Mr. Lifto, The Armenian Rubber Band Man) when they played Sowebo’s Lithuanian Hall in Spring of ’97… See 60′s strippers shaking their shag-a-delic money-makers!… Dance The Twist with Fat French Frogs!… See Pouty Brit Beatniks sulk to John Barry jazz riffs while Oliver Reed does his Method-Spazz Dance!… See The Archies cover the Sex Pistols’ “God Save the Queen”!… Coming Attractions for Lezzie Lick Flicks!… Skizz Cyszk’s classic animated short My Little Pickle Love Song… And more! (You need more?)

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A VIDEOSCRAMBLED OMELLETTE… Ham-fisted and extra-cheesy bits and pieces from the Atomic TV Archives…easy on the eyes like the picture menu at Denny’s, and just as intellectually filling – passing through you as easy as the liquid bowel movement you have after a greasy spoon breakfast with extra onions. Watch vintage retro kids commercials, celebrity pitchmen Liberace and Jack Webb, General Motors’ dream of a mechanized utopia, short film work from local artiste Bump Stadelman, trains-planes-automobiles and ammo blammo boy toys, incredibly strange music videos, strippers, white trash karaoke rituals, and more!

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Join Atomic TV co-hosts Scott Huffines and Tom Warner as they celebrate ATV’s first season at the Cones & Rods Art Show with a little help from their friends: Cones & Rods organizers Todd Lesser (Monozine) & Logan Hicks (Workhorse Visuals and Workhorse Gallery,) surprise celebrity guests Harrison Ford and Jerry Springer (no, not really!), Mychelle the “Comic Relief” Pee-Girl and The Grand Googinol (who looks a lot like Jerry Lewis with a Burger King crown)…plus you’ll see thought-provoking art by local and national artistes…rhythm-provoking music by our fave local troubadoors Garage Sale, The Put-Outs and The Rock Stars…The Only Person in Baltimore (The City That Breeds) Having Safe Sex…plus you’ll witness witless Baltimorons performing Stupid Human Tricks…titter nervously seeing yourself on the Atomic TV Spy-Cam…yawn at the lackluster hipster-slacker response to the Atomic Books gala Prize Giveway…and marvel at your co-hosts ability to mangle the English language (obviously their second tongue, after gutteral grunts).

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Join host Casey Kasem (no, wait – isn’t that Tom Warner?) as he shows clips from some of the weirdest and most obscure cult films ever made. Look for love in all the wrong places (like an open wound in Rosanna Arquette’s thigh) in CRASH…see a swinging 60s-a-go-go Godzilla develop an ecological conscience in GODZILLA VS. THE SMOG MONSTER…subject your peepers to the eye-popping ocular trauma of Dario Argento’s TERROR AT THE OPERA…watch a beautiful nekkid woman deliciously debased by a vat of chocolate in SWEET MOVIE…see Ray Milland scoping out chicks with naked agreesion in X: THE MAN WITH X-RAY EYES…enjoy the sexy sadomasochism of lezzie vampires in DAUGHTERS OF DARKNESS…plus more!

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